I expect to remain healthy and just fall over one day. This is not very realistic, but it’s what most senior citizens do.
Then they assume that if they need help, their children or other relatives will be able to take care of them.
What they don’t consider is:
Do these relatives have the time, money and resources to take care of you? What if their house needs to be modified because you’re in a wheelchair or can’t see?
Do they work? Will they have to give up working to take care of you? If so, have you thought about what that will do to their social security and/or pension?
Will they have to choose between taking you to the Dr. or going to their child’s soccer game?
Will taking care of you interfere with their chance for promotions at their job?
Do you trust them, or have you had the conversation with them, so that they will make a choice that suits you if THEY have to choose a nursing facility or even an assisted living facility? This also applies to rehabilitation places where you might have to go after a surgery if you live alone. Do they know what you want? What you/they can afford?
Remember it will be THEIR house and THEIR rules not YOURS. This is a daunting challenge for many of us.
Bear in mind that family caregivers are more at risk for poor health due to exhaustion from doing too much for you, anxiety about your condition, stress due to adjusting to you living with them and its affect on their children and spouse, etc.
Consider the book “The Other Talk” as well as my book “It’s Your Move: Choices for Senior Living” and create a plan with them . This lets them know what you want, what you can afford and what some of the choices are.
How's that Home Assistance Working Out for You?
Compliments of Andrew Rafal firstname.lastname@example.org.
According to a Pew Research study, 4 out of 10 U.S. adults now care for a sick or elderly family member, and nearly half of adults expect to care for an elderly parent or relative at some point. In fact, the number of caregivers increased by 10 percent from 2010 to 2013.2
You may not even know that your son, daughter or grandchild qualifies as an official "caregiver." But ask yourself, does your daughter run to the grocery store for you, bring you dishes she's cooked for her family and wash dishes or fold your laundry whenever she drops by? Does your son remind you to make medical appointments and drive you to the doctor or drugstore when you need a prescription filled? Does your collegiate granddaughter drop by once a week just to say hi (and peek at your mail to see if you're paying bills)?
Well yes, these are examples of thoughtful, caring family members. But these are also examples of what family caregivers do regularly all over the country. As you age, you may not even realize that you come to rely on these small, periodic acts of kindness - and get a little annoyed when they don't happen often enough.
It seems a rite of passage for older adults to begin relying on their adult children to help them as they age. However, recognize that as your needs encroach more and more on their time, it can also impact your children's lives. In fact, Genworth's "2014 Cost of Care Survey" revealed that3:
- One-third of caregivers provided 30 or more hours of care per week; the average weekly time requirement is 21 hours.
- 65% of caregivers missed work, ranging from working less and being late or absent to losing jobs or having to change career paths altogether.
- 46% said that providing care impacted their personal health and well-being and 34% indicated a negative impact on their family in general.
- 58% reported cutting into discretionary spending, including eating out and/or buying new clothes or a new car, because of their care-related responsibility.
To put these insights into perspective, consider what your life was like when you were the age of your children now, and whether you had the same parental responsibilities and how well you handled - or would've handled - them back then.
Consider the time your family members may be dedicating to making sure you're doing fine, and whether or not you want them to experience any adverse impacts in their job or lifestyle on your behalf. It may be worth looking into other caregiving options on your own to relieve some of the responsibilities your children may have assumed - to ensure that the time you spend with your family now is truly quality time.
Recent innovations and practices to help older Americans live more independently include:
- Personal medical alert systems to summon help quickly should you fall or need medical attention
- Video monitoring that allows your family to check in on you via the Internet
- Smartphone apps with alarm clocks and calendar reminders for medications and appointments
- Hiring a home design specialist to retrofit your home for improved mobility and safety
- Looking into public transportation or personal driver services
- Hiring a handy man to clean your gutters, replace light bulbs and other basic tasks
- Walking or engaging in some type of low-impact exercise every day to help you stay active and nimble
Not only could incorporating some of these ideas into your life help you become less dependent on others, but they can help provide peace of mind to your family members. One of the greatest concerns for family caregivers is that they don't think their parents fully understand or appreciate their own limitations - and therefore take unnecessary risks. By taking the initiative to incorporate a few fail-safe systems, you can convey that you do understand and want to relieve some of the mental stress that comes with looking after a family member. You, as a parent yourself, can certainly recognize the value in that.
After all, even adult family caregivers can still use help and appreciation from their parents.
The information and opinions contained herein are provided by third parties and have been obtained from sources believed to be reliable, but accuracy and completeness cannot be guaranteed. They are given for informational purposes only and are not a solicitation to buy or sell the products mentioned. The information is not intended to be used as the sole basis for financial decisions, nor should it be construed as advice designed to meet the particular needs of an individual's situation.
If you are unable to access any of the news articles and sources through the links provided in this text, please contact us to request a copy of the desired reference.
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1 Merrill Lynch, "The End of Old," accessed on May 28, 2014 athttp://insights.wm.ml.com/articles/the-end-of-old.html?referrer=home#fbid=H533EkDLVIl.
2 Huffington Post, "Caregivers: Two-Fifths of U.S. Adults Care
for Sick, Elderly Relatives," June 20, 2013;http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/20/caregivers-adults-care-for-elderly-relatives-sandwich-generation_n_3469779.html.
3 Genworth Financial, "2014 Cost of Care Survey," March 25, 2014;https://www.genworth.com/dam/Americas/US/PDFs/Consumer/corporate/
4 IRS.gov, "Retirement Plans FAQs Regarding Required Minimum
Distributions," April 24, 2014; http://www.irs.gov/Retirement-Plans/Retirement-Plans-FAQs-regarding-Required-Minimum-Distributions#8.